Gaming confused

I have this friend; one whom ironically I have never been close to but one which I'd say has a far better understanding of me than I would like to admit. He has long struggled to articulately grasp the predicament I've found myself in since I came of such an age as to thoroughly confuse myself about who and what I was to become as a gamer. He diagnoses this as being stuck up to such a degree that I will never know what I want. Lets get to the bottom of this.

I love gaming. To those of the ilk of holding certain past times of playing a certain game in terms of the 'golden days', who spend obscene amounts of time becoming a whirlwind of excitement about future potential for a gaming activity or creative gaming process, the rest of the time simply engrossing themselves in any given fantasy genre or endlessly reliving the past for a glimmer of rekindling an old passion - this has always been gaming for me and it has been a connection I have never quite understood. In my youth and early teens I found my excitement a sufficient source of energy to engross myself (often aimlessly) in all aspects of gaming, particularly online gaming. Despite endless hours potentially wasted, I can only be greatful for what it taught me about myself in the hobby, which leads me to my current predicament.

I am idle, constantly. My well of potential for excitement and engagement with a certain something is deeper and richer than ever, yet nothing is to be done. Having never been part of an individualistic creative process in my life, I find myself in endless thought of such processes, lacking the impetus to carry out such a task. I guess this post could be seen as the precursor to my achieving my hobbyist dream of publishing something of my own on the world wide web; be it a gaming supplement, setting, book, board game?

I do not know; Perhaps turning my endless requirement to be engrossed and entertained by a game designer, taking matters into my own hands and design for myself could be the remedy. With this I shall unleash a new lease of life into the blog and instead of dismissing my own intimate ramblings of potential gaming creativity, I'm going to ejaculate them here as often as possible

Lets see where this leads.